Today I was standing in a store, and two old ladies passed me in the narrow aisle. As they passed, I smelled ... yes, fart. And then they kept right on moving.
Damn, those old ladies farted in my aisle! I was still looking at hot sauces, but the smell was strong enough to make me give up and leave. And just as I was leaving, a teenage boy walks by, sniffs and turning around, gives me "the look."
"No, wait, it wasn't me, it was old women!"
But I didn't think he'd believe me, so the rebuttal went unyelled. I gave the hot sauces a cursory glance as I left the aisle, cursing my unluckiness to be standing in an old woman fart zone and get branded with the misdeed.
I was almost free of the aisle when the boy returned with a friend; they looked at me and laughed. Man, was I pissed. My friend Rachel (with whom I was shopping) came back and I pulled her to the side, eager to set the record straight. "Hey, listen. These two old women walked by and farted and this guy walked by after they were gone and thought it was me and then he told his friend and they both walked by again and blamed me for a fart that wasn't even my fault." She could still smell it, so we left the zone.
We continued shopping and turned into another aisle. There they were: the old fart ladies. I gestured in an incredibly obvious way that those were the women who passed off their fart guilt on me. Rachel nodded, understanding, and we passed. I didn't say anything, although I definitely had a few comments in my brain, yet nothing I thought might make the situation better. I mean, it wasn't exactly their fault...
We finished shopping and entered a checkout line. There they were: the guys who blamed me for the fart! I gestured in a very subtle way that those were the guys who blamed me for the fart. Rachel nodded, understanding, and they left. I didn't say anything. Again, I definitely had a few comments in my brain, but nothing I thought might make the situation better. I couldn't exactly blame them...
We put our items in her car and waited for our companions, who were a few minutes behind us. Unwilling to drop the subject, I continued to bemoan my fate: not only did I have to deal with an unpleasant fart odor in a public place, but I was blamed for it, though truly blameless.
Our companions came out, and we drove off. As we left the parking lot, one (who shall remain nameless) started telling this funny story about how he was in the aisle next to the hot sauces and let out this raunchy fart, and the other people in the aisle blamed his girlfriend instead of him.
What?! It was him all along! I'd incorrectly blamed two old women, two teenage boys had incorrectly blamed me, two other customers had incorrectly blamed his girlfriend, and he just thought it was so frigging funny he had to tell us all about it. It is for this exact reason (that the universe has an uncanny ability of making bad things happen to good people) why I have such issues with Karma, which I would otherwise be perfectly content in incorporating into my belief system. I mean, I am most certainly not one to claim complete innocence, but..... grrrrr!
p.s. Travis Gray is hereby prohibited from leaving comments or giving me a lecture on how Karma is so evident in our everyday lives.
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