The Celebrity Impressionist

I know this is a slightly long video but it's HILARIOUS..... you've got to watch it!

People Say the Strangest Things...

Receptionist: I have great news!

Nurse: What?

Receptionist: I got accepted into grad school! But I'm scared.

Nurse: Why?

Receptionist: I haven't been in school in a long time.

Nurse: You'll be fine -- it's like falling off a duck's back.

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Female flight attendant: In response to the many requests about what in-flight movies will be playing I have decided to make a public announcement: we are playing Gone with the Wind, and you are all free to sit on the wing to watch it. There is one oxygen mask per seat, and two in the bathroom. Why there are two in the bathroom -- your guess is as good as mine. Thank you, and have a pleasant flight.

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Little boy: I know three things about aliens. One, they don't have hair. Two, they don't have mouths. Three, they don't have privates.

20-something: Then how do you know if it's a boy or a girl alien?

Little boy: Um, they're not boys or girls. They're "its"... Or she-males.

20-something: Where did you learn "she-males" from?!

Little boy: Third Avenue.

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St. Patty's drunk: So, wait... I was told that we aren't allowed to drink in Penn Station today, but all the vendors are selling beer. What's the deal?

Cop: Well, they shouldn't be selling it. If you are caught, you will be ticketed and--

Interrupting cop: --Dude, just put it in a paper cup! Go right there, buy that beer, and ask for that red paper Coke cup. That's all.

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EVERYONE ON THE PLANET: I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist.

Woo-hoo the ATHF Movie

My last blog about french fries, beverages & hamburgers reminded me of Aqua Teen Hunger Force - Frylock, Master Shake & Meatwad - and that the ATHF movie is coming out soon!! If you've seen the show you'll appreciate the weird humor; if not, then I guess you'll just have to think of me as just a wee bit crazy.

Ultimate Fast Food Compilation

Alright, this is a completely random thought... but have you ever wondered what the ultimate fast food restaurant would be like? As in getting to choose different parts of your meal from different places, without having to drive all over the place & wait in line for what seems like forever? Hmmm..... well here's my list.

1. Wendy's salads
2. Micky D's french fries
3. Hardy's hamburgers, cheeseburgers, & onion rings
4. Sonic's beverages (especially the slushes) cheesecake bites, mozzarella sticks & coney dogs
5. Pizza Hut's breadsticks/cheesesticks/cinnamon sticks - and I guess the pizza too
6. Taco Bell's steak quesadillas, mexican pizzas & nachos
7. Dairy Queen's desserts

Blabberings such as this only come from the sleep deprived. Then again, I did just start an insanely strict diet - maybe that's to blame.... well now I'm feeling tired enough to go to sleep so it's off to bed I go. Wish I had something cool to say like "Good night, and good luck." But I don't. So g'night. ; )

- B

ODD FACTS ABOUT ME

Odd Facts about Me... a survey.

DO YOU SNORE?:: No.

LOVER OR A FIGHTER?:: I fight for what I love.

WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?:: Fear itself.

AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO BUILDER?:: Yeah, but then I quit when I found out I sucked.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY TV"?:: It's getting OLD....

DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?:: Depends on how bored I am.

WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?:: Yes, as a matter of fact I was.

HOW IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?:: I wouldn't know about that :)

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?:: black

DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?:: hell yeah

HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?:: The Ripcord, which went over real well considering I'm deathly afraid of heights.

ANY SECRET TALENTS?:: Yeah. But I'm not going to tell you, or they wouldn't be secret anymore, now would they?

WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?:: Paris or Hawaii. London's going to be pretty cool this summer though, too.

HAVE YOU EATEN SUSHI?:: Love it.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?:: Yep

DO YOU GIVE A DARN ABOUT THE OZONE?:: Yes, but there are other issues to consider as well.

HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP?:: The world will never know!

CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?:: Not one of my talents.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?:: Yep

ARE SPEEDO'S HOT?:: No, because you only see them on "Fat Bastards" and not "Brad Pitts"

WHAT'S YOUR STANCE ON HUNTING?:: I don't really care. Those Barbie's who oppose it forget about animal testing for the make-up they cake on their face.

IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?:: I certainly hope a successful one is.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?:: It's getting better.

WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?:: Idiots.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU":: A few minutes ago...I just got off the phone with Tim.

IS TUPAC STILL ALIVE?:: Where have you been? I'm little miss white from Suburbia and I knew the dude was dead!

DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?:: No. It takes a lot for me to do that.

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?:: I don't.

ARE BLONDES DUMB?:: You know, I've found that only seems to apply to fake blondes.... but seriously? You can't seriously ask me to believe that hair color determines intellect.

WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?:: Lost.

WHAT TIME IS IT?:: Time for the next question.

DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?:: Umm..Bridge, B, B-ridge, Bridgee, USED to be B-dog like 6 years ago....

IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?:: Here it is. But I've heard they use real grease and real meat over in Europe.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?:: Driving home last night from dinner with some friends.

DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?:: Showers, most of the time.

IS SANTA CLAUSE REAL?:: You know it...

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?:: (Blushes) Yes...

WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?:: Coffee, chocolate, love and laughter

CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?:: Creamy.

HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?:: No. I hope I never have to.

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?:: Twice.

IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?:: Depends on which one...just kidding. Yes.

ARE YOU WEARING SOCKS?:: Uh-huh...fuzzy comfy ones.

HAVE YOU EVER HITCH HIKED?:: Yup.

WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?:: Hazel.

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:: A few nights ago. My grandpa passed away not too long ago, & I was very attached to him.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?:: Despite the ups and downs, I feel truly blessed.

WHOSE LIFE IS BETTER?:: I don't like to look at it that way; everyone's lives are different.

ARE YOU PSYCHIC?:: Isn't it scary to think I could be inside your mind right now?

HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?:: Yes.

DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?:: My friend Will's teaching me a little piano...

CAN YOU SKATEBOARD?:: Oh, you're a funny one.

DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?:: Yeah, it can be really fun with the right people.

DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH?:: No, I can't say that I do.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?:: As much as Christ was an Atheist.

IS A DOG A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?:: No. A dog is a woman's best friend.

YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?:: I believe in perseverance, being held accountable for your promises, and taking your vows seriously. I also believe that people change and grow and develop into different people than they were from the start, and there's no way of predicting that. I also believe that to cheat is to destroy every promise of a wedding vow.

CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?:: Who do you think I am, Michael Jackson?

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?:: The best Chinese food ever

DO YOU WEAR NAILPOLISH?:: Not usually...I'll get a manicure if I'm going out for a fancy dinner.

DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?:: Very much

WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?:: That stupid HEAD ON one! They say that freakin' line like ten times!

DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?:: I have to admit I have some stuff from the place...

FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT?:: I know so much good music I couldn't possibly decide.... check out my MySpace playlist. That's a glimpse of what I'm into right now.

The glass: HALF FULL or HALF EMPTY??

I WOULD JUST LIKE TO ADDRESS WHAT SEEMS TO BE ONE OF THE DIRE CONTROVERSIES OF OUR GENERATION: whether the glass is "half full" or "half empty." Hey, guess what, guys? It's HALF! Wow... it's amazing some of you need a 17 year-old to tell you that means to be a greater portion of neither. And no, drinking what's inside wouldn't solve anything, because it wouldn't change the status of the glass beforehand. Whelp, I guess there are 4 kinds of people in the world:

1. Optomists (half full) 2. Pessimists (half empty) 3. Those lacking problem-solving skills (drink the liquid) 4. Realists (ME! And hopefully the rest of you pretty soon.)

Later guys.

- B

VERY brief thought on separation of church & state

The following is my response to something one of my friends wrote.

"I was just reading in my e-mail that I got from Krystle. She sent me a forward message. In it somone said that for the first time ever there has been a new $1 coin printed not saying 'In god we trust' on it. She said it was scary to her. I think that is just sad. The God who created us all is being shunned. They are basically saying god no longer lives or that we can not trust him any more. It is almost like the lord baked us a cake of life that we did not even deserve and we took it and through it bake in his face. There are even more ways that this world had shunned the lord but i will not get into that today. The list is too long."

-- Anonymous Pal


I don't think it's fair to say that God is being "shunned" in America, necessarily. I mean, the God, the Lord, the religion that many of us follow isn't necessarily the one that some of our fellow citizens do. Because we are not a theocracy, we have to allow people with other religious beliefs to coexist with us in our country - if someone else did not "trust" in Him, that does not mean that they are any less of an American. Many people, in fact, gave these same sentiments when evolution was first introduced to classrooms.... and as a result of letting one religion rule even the tiniest aspect of our government students were robbed of the wealth of knowledge from the proper scientific curriculum that should have been in place.

Everyone is going to have to face judgment day when the time comes, but they're going to have to own up to GOD - not me, not you, not even America itself. Why would God give us something as precious as free will for no reason at all??

- B

In the Land of Women

So I went to see this movie tonight thinking it was going to be just another dumb teen flick, but I was pleasantly surprised. It was like the OC Adam Brody grew up all of a sudden, & I found myself actually being able to relate to his situation... I also really connected w/ Meg Ryan's character & even her daughter a little bit - I think right now I may be torn between the two extremes. One thing that I wasn't expecting: it wasn't really a love story at all, yet the characters' relationships still had as much emotional charge. "In the Land of Women" may not be winning an oscar any time soon, but it's definitely worth checking out.

Strawberry Nesquik & ILLEGAL Immigration

There are many issues that are raising concerns in the United States, and immigration is one that I feel very strongly about. When I saw a strawberry Nesquik bottle w/ the Spanish lettering larger than the English, I guess that sent me over the edge, lol...

(Not sure why I'm apologizing, but I do hope this doesn't offend anyone. I would like to say that I'm anything but a raving conservative - more of a moderate Democrat - but if anyone has any inquiries, I'd be happy to explain my political philosophy. Thankfully, though, you probably don't. Lol.)






So many people have based their arguments on how this land is made up of immigrants. Some people suggest we should tear down the Statue of Liberty because the people now in question aren't being treated the same as those who passed through Ellis Island and other ports of entry. Maybe we should turn to our history books and point out to people like this why today's American is not willing to accept this new kind of immigrant any longer. Back in 1900 when there was a rush from all areas of Europe to come to the United States, people had to get off a ship and stand in a long line in New York and be documented; some would even get down on their hands and knees and kiss the ground. They made a pledge to uphold the laws and support their new country through good times and bad. They made learning English a primary rule in their new American households, sometimes even changing their names to blend in with their new home. They had waved goodbye to their birthplace to give their children a new life and did everything in their power to help their children assimilate into one culture. Nothing was handed to them - no free lunches, no welfare, no labor laws to protect them. All they had were the skills and craftsmanship they had brought with them to trade for a future of prosperity. Most of their children came of age when World War II broke out. Some fought alongside men whose parents had come straight over from Germany, Italy, France, and Japan. None of these 1st generation Americans ever gave any thought about what country their parents had come from, because together they were all Americans fighting Hitler, Mussolini and the Emperor of Japan . They were defending the UNITED States of America as one people. When we liberated France, no one in those villages were looking for the French-American or the German-American or the Irish-American. The people of France saw only Americans. And we carried one flag that represented our one country. Not one of those immigrant sons would have even conceived of picking up another country's flag and waving it to represent who they were; it would have been a disgrace to their parents who had sacrificed so much to give them a home in the land of the free. These immigrants truly knew what it meant to be an American, stirring the melting pot into one red, white and blue bowl. But here we are in 2007 with a new kind of immigrant who wants the same rights and privileges...only they want to achieve it by playing a different set of rules, one that includes the entitlement card and a guarantee of being faithful to their mother country. I'm sorry, that's not what being an American is all about. I believe that the immigrants who landed on Ellis Island in the early 1900's deserve better than that for all the toil, hard work and sacrifice in raising future generations to create a land that has become a beacon for those legally searching for a better life. I think they would be appalled that they are being used as an example by those waving foreign country flags. And as for suggestions about taking down the Statue of Liberty, it happens to mean a lot to the citizens who are voting on the immigration bill...I wouldn't start talking about dismantling the United States just yet!

- B

Lower the Drinking Age to 18 Now!

Recently the essays we wrote in English for the Kansas State Writing Assessment were handed back to us. I chose the topic "How to Celebrate Graduation Parties in a Safe Manner" but used it as an excuse to get up on my soap box about lowering the drinking age.

For many people, turning eighteen is a huge milestone in the long journey to "growing up," largely in part to the many privileges granted at this age. At eighteen, one is allowed to vote as a legal citizen. At eighteen, one is allowed to make the life-altering commitment of marriage. At eighteen, one is allowed to purchase, consume, and become addicted to tobacco products that will slowly poison the body to death throughout a lifetime. Perhaps the privilege of the most consequence, however, is the right to serve in the Armed Forces - the choice to fight and potentially die for one's country. With all of these responsibilities in mind, then, we must ask ourselves: why does the legal drinking age remain at twenty-one years of age? The response to this question has always been that "highschoolers simply aren't mature enough to handle it yet." The fact that juvenile alcohol abuse among highschoolers and the parties that they host, especially graduation parties, may seem to support this statement. However, to fully understand the problem of the status quo we must analyze the facts, deduce the true causes of the situation at hand, and take whatever steps necessary to solve it. It will soon become evident that the drinking age itself is the barrier to safe graduation parties.

First of all, we must discuss why the drinking age is such a problem with the teenage age group in America. The fascination with this beverage is centered on one thing: the fact that they cannot have it. Alcohol then provides another avenue for rebellion; it is "the forbidden elixir of coolness." In addition, it is even mistakenly perceived as a symbol of adulthood; because all of the "grown-ups" are doing it, kids wish to imitate adults in order to gain the same "grown-up" image. In sum, there is an obvious lack of familiarization with alcohol among American families in our society. We instead choose to instill in our children's minds that alcohol is a dirty, dangerous thing to avoid at all costs, and as a result they do not receive the proper education on it. Our problem did not start at a high school drinking party; it is a product of a misinformed childhood.

In other cultures - namely in Britain, France, Germany, Spain, and Canada - society does not view alcohol as a "big deal" whatsoever. It is introduced in the home to its members at an early age, and as time passes never becomes something to pay much attention to. These countries, of course, have no "epidemic of teenage lushes," even though teens can legally consume alcoholic beverages there. In contrast, American society has seemed to put extreme overemphasis on alcohol, and it should be of no surprise that American teenagers are continually attracted to it like magnets. Drinking may not be legal for our youngsters, yet they seem to successfully obtain it time and time again anyway. In fact, 90 percent of U.S. teenagers consume alcohol on a regular basis. The scary thing is that when juveniles do come into possession of potentially harmful substance they have not had the proper education on, it is in a completely unsupervised environment in which the users are open to reckless and irresponsible behavior. Clearly, not only is the twenty-one age restriction ineffective, but it is also adding fuel to the fire of alcohol abuse.

We now come to the most important part of our analysis: what can be done to end juvenile alcohol abuse and ensure the safety of American graduation parties? U.S. driving policies may give a good explanation for this. Most would agree that it would be a ridiculous idea to tell our children to "just say no" to driving, fail to teach them how to drive through experience, and then hand them a set of keys on their twenty-first birthday, expecting them to be safe drivers. No - instead, we issue permits at certain ages to steadily prepare our young ones to be responsible. Therefore, I offer the following suggestion: a "learner's permit" system for juvenile alcohol consumption. Under such a system, drinking licenses would be issued starting at sixteen years of age, which would allow the holders to consume a limited amount of alcohol while under the supervision of a parent or legal guardian. As the "student" progressed through high school, new educational programs would be implemented with a specific focus on the importance of moderation, as opposed to the prohibitionist strategy of the status quo. Upon completion of their senior year of high school, students would be eligible to receive a drinking license for the individual and unsupervised consumption of alcohol. By this time, juveniles will have obtained the proper knowledge of the substance and how to demonstrate responsible use of it.

A problem has clearly been identified with the lack of safety in high school graduation drinking parties. Year after year, we sit by and witness the damaging effects these celebrations have on our teenagers, communities, and society as a whole. However, now is the time to take a stand and fight for more than the same old policies and prohibitionist attitude that has failed us time and time again. Now is the time for us all to realize the true cause of why alcohol abuse is so prevalent among American juveniles. Now is the time to spread the word and fight for the implementation of a learner's permit system for safe juvenile alcohol consumption. If we do, then we will see graduating teenagers celebrate as reliable and responsible adults - even in the presence of alcohol.