Dependence Day

The curse of youth is believing that we thirst for independence; in reality, however, our dependence on others is often what we value the most. As my 18th birthday is fast approaching, I am just now realizing how guilty I've been of this over the past few years. In two weeks I will have every right in the world to pack up my stuff, leave my father's house, move into an apartment with some roomies, and even buy a box of cigars to celebrate. And I always thought that the only flaw in this age-old teenage fantasy had to do with the financial aspects of it. This is shocking, I know, but guess what? I was wrong. Not only that, but I was so wrong that I am admitting it to you now.

Anyone who knows me can tell you that I am fiercely independent - or at least I try to be. I've always preferred to deal with situations personally, to not let others know what troubles I am burdened with, to do all that I can to avoid asking for help with a problem that is mine to solve. So maybe I've always felt that doing everything on my own will one day reap me the reward of getting to do everything that I want to as well. It is now that I've just had the EUREKA! moment I needed to realize that no matter how old we get, freedom is never really the answer. (Though it is nice. And very convenient.)

Think about it: when we are young, we are restrained; our parents control virtually every aspect of our lives, and many times are the final authority on decisions that are actually ours to make. Naturally, we rebel. We go through years of teenage resentment and upon graduation day can think of no better idea than to get as far away from our parents and their judgments as is possible. Although this "being your own boss" thing and getting to live for yourself may come with a few perks, it's definitely not what it's cracked up to be. Furthermore, it doesn't last; there will inevitably come a day when we choose to live our lives with and for someone else, when suddenly the idea of not getting our way all of the time will be reintroduced into our lives. I am finding that the more prepared I am for such a thing, the less and less my inner-self struggles for independence.

The thing is, it's so easy to feel being that way is okay when the people surrounding you would still be there if you weren't that way. Translation: if I one day fall flat on my ass because I never asked you for help, you will still be willing to give it to me. People like that are a very rare gift in our lives; God blesses us with one set of those at birth, and we even find a few ourselves before leaving the nest. But what happens when we reach a point when we have to say goodbye to both of them in search of a new life with new people? How do we make the transition from being able to count on those familiar faces we have come to know and love to having no choice but to survive without their help?

There is a Brad Pitt movie quote that goes "I guess in the end you start thinking about the beginning." Reflecting on this statement, I can't help but think about the beginnings of so many things that will soon come to an end... and perhaps things that already have. As a result, I've decided that I'm still going to pack up my stuff. I'm still going to move out of my father's house. I'm still going to buy that box of cigars. Only now, I do these things not from a motivation of freedom or stubborn independence, but with the knowledge that relying on those you care for when you really need to is something to embrace, something to offer in return, something to feel good about. Something that lets you know when life's a bitch (as it frequently can be) you'll pull through a little less scarred because there were people by your side willing to fight the fight with you.

For those of you who have fit that description in my life, I thank you from the depths of my very heart and soul; I love you with every ounce of my being. I would be lost without you.