Asked Too Many Times

The other day I decided to take the little munchkins up to the Legends shopping center for lunch, ice cream, and the apparently highly amusing giant fountain in front of the movie theater. We did this in the reverse order that we probably should have, and so our last stop before home was to be Chipotle.

If you've ever been in this particular Chipotle, you'd know that the dining area where you enter in line is a pretty confined space (walk around the corner and you can breathe a bit). On this day it was even more packed than usual - a wonderful thing for the embarassing fate I would soon face.

All seemed to be going well. The kids had that satisfied look on their faces that seemed to say "Haha silly girl, we've milked ya' for all that you're worth - ice cream and something other than McDonald's fast food for lunch!" (Little do they know the same folks own/operate both.) I myself was enjoying my very tasty burrito when I smelled the faint stench of soiled undies. Immediately I rushed to 3 year-old Abbey's side to check her, but she was perfectly clean. Then it hit me that Jake hadn't gone potty all day long.

So I asked him. He said no. But the stench of the soiled undies did not disappear, and I was beginning to worry that this smell would pervade the surrounding area and attract a bit of negative attention. I thought to myself: "Sweet Jesus, the child pooped his pants..." Continuing to dread that this was actually what had occured, I asked again; his reply was the same as before. "He just had to have, it's getting worse!" So, with my best effort of a stern expression on a less-than-serious topic, I asked one more time.

This time, he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled, "See Bridget, IT'S JUST FARTS!" While a dozen people nearly choked on their tacos, Jacob calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as though nothing happened. I was so mortified I was left utterly speechless, unable to react to the public devastation I had just suffered in any way.

On the way out some elderly people tried to make me feel better when they thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had... and oh, what could I say? Putting laughter back into the world through my personal humiliation is what I do best.