Life Lessons From Spongebob

Spongebob Squarepants has been a favorite show of children for over ten years now. While many see it as pure animated silliness devoid of any educational value, I beg to differ. There are numerous lessons to be learned from SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and the gang, some of which could only be learned from them. The list below is just a sample.

Lesson 1: Even if you're a total moron, being especially talented in one particular area will keep you employed. Just look at SpongeBob himself. He's not the brightest of characters (though, I'll say, he's probably the smartest sponge I know of), but he sure does know how to make Krabby Patties. Mr. Krabs would have a hard time replacing him. Whenever he tries, it never really works out. SpongeBob has found his niche and manages to use what little skill he has to make enough of a living to have his own place and take care of himself.

Lesson 2: David Hasselhoff has superpowers. Witness the SpongeBob Movie. While the world has always suspected that Mr. Hasselhoff was something more than human, his powers were on full display there as he zips SpongeBob and Patrick across the ocean and launches them back to Bikini Bottom with his super-pectoral muscles.

Lesson 3: Crustaceans can father whales. Witness Mr. Krabs and his daughter Pearl. Who knew that such an unlikely event was possible before SpongeBob showed us?

Lesson 4: There are underwater beaches where sea creatures of all kinds gather. Really, I think this is a revolutionary find, about which you would think The Learning Channel or some other educationally-minded outlet would have some sort of special.

Lesson 5: Squirrels can live underwater if properly attired. Sandy actually seems to really like it there, in fact, as long as she keeps her helmet on. She even has her own air-filled home.

Lesson 6: You can avoid a Sea Bear attack by drawing an Anti-Sea Bear circle and standing within its perimeter. If you are attacked, however, be sure you are wearing Anti-Sea Rhinoceros Undergarments, as the Sea Rhinoceros is attracted to such attacks.

Lesson 7: Even if you cause grievous bodily harm to your friends, in the end you are still friends, and it will heal quickly. See the many fights between SpongeBob and Patrick as examples.

Lesson 8: Don't trust plankton. It is small and looks harmless, but only because it wants to get past your defenses.

Lesson 9: There is a rather sophisticated system of currency in use by undersea creatures, and various underwater, independently-owned fast food outlets battle to get as much of it as possible.